Dammit, they changed the layout of the journals again. Just when I was figuring out CSS . . .

Anyway, I am alive. It's been two months since I seriously considered suicide. Manic depression is a real bitch. I said when I was diagnosed that I would never try lithium because it is a SERIOUSLY powerful drug with horrible side effects (like weight gain, kidney failure, etc.). But apparently coming close to death makes you see things differently. My doctor tried just about every other option, and it still led to these episodes, so there's nothing left but lithium.

Evanescence wrote, "Don't wanna forget how it feels without lithium," but in all honesty I don't want to forget how it feels WITH it. I am alive. I haven't had suicidal thoughts. I can breathe. I can see the world more clearly. I planted flowers. I sang. I danced. I laughed, I loved, I cried, I ran. There are no words to describe how I feel, except perhaps ALIVE. For the first time in SO LONG I am alive. It's incredible.

In any case, that's why I've been rather scarce. I just posted something I hope you'll like:



It's a shot from my first escapade with a camera since my incident. I planted rose bushes, and this is the first bloom from one of them. I know water drops are cheesy, but, well, get over it!

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